I’ve encountered many people who like to give their, unsolicited, opinions and thoughts on my not having children. I don’t ask why you felt the need to have them, I would appreciate if you didn’t feel the need to ask why I don’t. But it’s very simple. I choose not to.
Now, this wasn’t always the case. When I was a little girl, playing with my Barbie dolls, I dreamt that one day I would meet my prince charming, get married and have 2 kids. Why? Because that’s what people were supposed to do. Get married and have kids. So that’s what I was supposed to do, too.
But the more I really looked at my life and what I truly wanted, I realized that maybe it wasn’t for me. I had no urge or desire to have kids. Would this change? Who knows. Then I met my husband Shawn. He was very upfront about his vasectomy and asked how I felt about kids. I told him I was about 95% sure I didn’t want them. Four years later, here we are. Childless and enjoying life, both content with the decision.
The older we get, the more people like to share their opinions on our childless lifestyle. Here are some of the things that I’ve heard that people need to STOP saying to people who don’t want kids:
1. It’s different when they’re your kids. You’re right. If they’re mine, I can’t give them back at the end of the day. I don’t care for that arrangement.
2. They enrich your life. No, they enrich your life, not mine. And that’s okay. Not everyone’s lives are enriched by a child’s presence. Especially mine.
3. That’s a selfish decision. Actually, it’s a selfless decision. Shawn and I don’t feel that we could devote the time we would want to, which would be to the detriment of the child. And I’m pretty sure having a child just so someone can take care of us when we’re old and provide missing joy to our lives, even though we don’t really want the child, is considered more selfish.
4. You’re lucky to not have such a busy life. Wtf? Seriously, wtf?! I choose to fill my life with other things besides a child. My and Shawn’s days are jam packed. You know, with full time jobs, school, the gym and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. We also supplement our time with date nights, fun outings and travel. Most days (right now anyway), we’re lucky to watch 20 minutes of tv and relax together at the end of the day. I know people, with kids, who have hours of free time each day. Me? Maybe that 20 minutes. Sometimes not even that. Stop assuming I’m sitting at home eating bon bons with my hours upon hours of free time each night just because I don’t have a kid.
5. You’ll regret it one day. And maybe one day you’ll regret having children. The response to #3 above applies here, too.
So, there are just some of the things to STOP saying to childless couples. This post was sparked by the following article, http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a6152/childless-women/, a must read! The article gives some more great things to stop saying.
Some people, like Shawn and me, have realized that parenting is not for us and continue to enjoy our lives. Thanks, just the same, for your concern.